― Christopher Hitchens
Okay firstly, pets r-u-l-e. Not dogs. Not cats. Or hamsters. Or parakeets. Or even angelfish. Pets are the best thing to have happened to humans, and there’s no debating that. The bond we share with our pets surpasses that of any human relationship―only those who have surrendered themselves to the genteel love of their pet can understand what I’m saying here.
But last night, having watched Cats & Dogs for the umpteenth time, I just thought of making a textual version of that insanely stupid but hilarious movie, where the dogs are pitted against the cats in a show of superiority.
So dogs get a go at it first, because, well, dogs RULE. And here’s why.
While they’re constantly keeping an eye on you, dogs never give you the metaphorical thumbs-down with their behavior. To them, you’re the one and only, the center of their universe until … hey is that bacon I smell?
Cats are the supreme champions of the resting bitch face, and make you feel as if they’re constantly judging you (they so are). Whereas dogs … well they’re just too content handling their butt-sniffing business.
Woof, woof!!!A day at the beach?
Tail-can’t-stop-wagging’ woof, woof!!!Playing fetch at the park?
Stop-asking-me-and-take-me-out woof, woof!!!
Yes, dogs can be anything they wish―from adorable goof balls to SAR veterans, to guide dogs, to companion dogs, to therapy dogs … to surgeons, fighter pilots, crime-fighting ninjas.
Okay, we leave the ninja business to the cats, for they’re freakishly agile.
Dogs make no bones about the fact that they are pack animals, and if you manage to become the alpha, they pretty much surrender themselves to you. They may be the biggest mischief mongers, but they also possess an innate sense of shame, and the puppy eyes are proof of that.
Cats will push your precious iPhone off the table with a simple tail swish and expect you to apologize for putting it in their tail’s way. Been there and done that. Apologize, I mean.
I know, I know, Breed Specific Legislation isn’t really a valid point here―but it has to be raised as much as possible, because the sole purpose of this post is to sing glories of our blessed dogs. Here’s a quote by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle that will drive the point home:
“A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones.”
And despite the BSL bull****, our dogs love us all the same.
As I said at the beginning―this is just a lighthearted banter about the whole cats-versus-dogs brouhaha. The canines have had their say, and now it’s over to the felines. Claws out, darlings…